It's been over a year now since the last basement, I thought we were all due.
I'm not quite sure how to begin this one. Uhm.... so:
You either lover her or you hate her. Or you think she's alright.
I became a fan when I was thirteen, when I got her "Tales of a Librarian" compilation album as a Christmas gift from someone. I remember being bummed going who the eff is this chick? But when I listened to it I recognized one of the songs, Silent All These Years
. It played on the radio all the time in the mid ninties when I was like seven or eight, and I remember one of the lines just sticking with me once when I heard it on a car ride in Vermont, trees all around us, heading into nowhere. "But what if I'm a mermaid, in these jeans of his with her name still on it."
I gave the whole album a listen through, and then another, and another and another. Each song was a glimpse into my life, a tiny little piece of the puzzle. I know every other Tori fan feels the same way. Her lyrics speak through the people, exactly how we feel to the pinpoint in the nano seconds it takes us to get lost or lose direction. She knows it inside and out. She speaks for us. Through the years, as I lost my father, had to push through my first break-up, and horrifically lost my house to a fire, her lyrics were a constant hand on my shoulder pushing me along. I don't think I could ever really let her know how deeply and profoundly they've affected (and helped) me.
It's hard to choose a favorite song of hers (especially since she's written a fricken billion jesus christ) so I'm not gonna even try, but I think the song that's basically my life in a nutshell is Cloud on my Tongue.
In the song, Tori uses a heartwrenching repetition to bring the listener into these endless circles of loss and frustration. She's never fully come out and said what she had planned the song to be about (an emotionally draining love triangle I think), but we usually see that a lot with her, and for good reason. The lyrics are so personal, they could be talking about anybody's life, depending on who's listening. So for me, the song is about up and down platues of depression. You could be doing good for a while, but it always comes back to the same level, almost a limbo, and you get into these circles, this rut you can't seem to pull yourself out of. I know it all too well.( lyricsCollapse )
I need to share this song with you people, four of my favorite live recordings of this song. We can learn to accept being in these loops, learn to overcome it, and learn it's okay to get lost again.
"It won't be fair if I hate her, if I ate her..."
recording: Live from Sunny Florida DVD
comments: There is a frustration and anger to this version that I love, but it doesn't really hit till towards the end chorus, right when we start to get really deep into the emotional pull. I love the vocal distortion she started using for this song from 2004 onward. Just her and her bosendorfer is the way to go. I also love that she keeps this song solo whenever she goes on tours. It's so much more haunting.
"Thought I was this time.."
recording: live in Vienna
comments: I love how this is still one of her favorite songs to play ever since the album's release in 1994. This is just classic Tori on the piano, the way this song and many of her others are supposed to be played. I especially like the ending chorus, how she ends up sounding a little desperate, like she's tugging against something. The performance is astounding, so catch it on youtube. She gazes right into your soul at one point. Damn woman!
"My girls, and these and these and these and these and these..."
recording: Hartford Connecticut
comments: Probably my favorite chorus she's ever performed on this song. Every single fucking time I get the shivers. She takes me so effortlessly into this spiral. This is a good example of how she covers her songs. Not one performance is similar to another, which is saying something considering she's done so many. There's a power to this one I hadn't heard before.
(no picture available)
recording: Eugene, Oregon
YT: none found yet
comments: haha, she kinda talks to the crowd the first minute and a half of this. Lol, no idea what she's going on about but I think she's eating chips. I put this recording in because it's a fantastic example of how she takes such bold artistic license with her songs. The last part of the chorus is completely improvised, and I did my best to ( catch the lyrics for you...Collapse )
Got to stop spinning...